Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Back on track?

It has been awhile.  I refuse to give up hope that I can consistently journal, so just to get some words on the page I will do a little posting today.

It has been hot.  Hot and dry.  The sun is scorching our earth, killing our crops and withering our spirits.  I feel the way I do in the middle of winter, when an unreasonable hopelessness descends and threatens to stay until weather-related relief drives it out with whips and shouts.  The pasture is all brown (except the weeds, of course,) but I did manage to get some hay in the barn.  If I play my cards right I might even be able to get all the way through winter.  I really should think about getting another fifty bales or so in, but loading and unloading hay in 95 degree heat dropped a nice load of heat exhaustion on me and I think I might still be recovering from that after a whole week.

My tomatoes suffered some serious herbicide damage.  It is unclear at this time whether it came from my manure contaminated with pesticides from treated hay or whether I caught some drift from local spraying, but most of the tomatoes are toast.  I think I will be pulling some out today, and leaving only those that are still producing.  I did get some absolutely fabulous broccoli out of the garden, and some beautiful cauliflower that never got eaten.  (Note to self: we didn't eat the cauliflower but loved the broccoli.  Grow what you love.)  We planted some melons late, but they are growing well, finally.  I have hopes of getting some nice melons before it turns cold again.  Peppers have been a bit of a flop, fruits are misshapen and off-color, although with some heirloom varieties like "Chablis" the pale green color is likely spot-on.

The sweet cherries we bought at a local farmstand were wonderful, and we bought them out.  At 3.99 a pound they are still cheaper than buying frozen ones from the grocery.  Steve had a good old time pitting them with my hand-pitter, turning a section of counter-top into what looked like a surgical table when he was done, with crimson splashes of juice on the counter, walls, fruit and appliances.  Good thing he's cute.

The floor in our bedroom is torn up.  Just before I went out of town to The Clearing we had a massive storm system move through our area while we were away visiting friends.  The wind blew the rain so hard through our open windows that our whole carpet got soaked, then ruined.  We have decided to put down laminate, which will be much easier to maintain with the big dogs in the house.  So I took the opportunity to repaint the bedroom, after agonizing over just the right color.  It took me three tries at the mixing station at Ace to get the right color, and I am finally happy with it.  I will be very, very happy to get the room back together, but we are still looking at a couple of weeks.  Gah.

I am sort of at a point of being overwhelmed.  there is a loot of mess to clean up- in the barn, in the house, in the garage, the shed, the basement.  I am not feeling particularly motivated so it makes me feel all the more anxious about it.  I have been struggling with feelings of depression again, and actually wonder if I didn't get a bad batch of meds.  I mean, how would I even know of they had been exposed to high heat or something?  My suspicion is that the underlying cause of said depression (and a host of other issues) is not being addressed, and I have taken steps to find out if this is true.  I have made an appointment with a doctor out of the Chicago suburbs, who is doing a much more thorough blood panel than I have gotten, in addition to a saliva test to check female hormone levels.  I feel like it is the right thing to do, but have no expectation, yet, that I will find relief.  Maybe I am jaded, but I have never gone to any doctor for any chronic issue (even things like my plantar fasciitis) and gotten answers or relief.  The jury is out until further notice.

The chickies are no longer babies, but adolescents on the very of growing up and beginning laying.  I have made a ghetto-pen for them to hang out in outdoors if they choose, and have decided to wait until cooler weather to get their real pen built.  I am also considering how to encourage them to stay in the pasture so they can free-range.  I do still worry about hawks.

So there it is, a brief update.  After a visit to The Clearing in Ellison Bay, WI I came home with a desire to write again, and I am going to try to nurture that.  In this season of no work and little money for plants or decorating it is a good way to fulfill my need to create.

We'll see how that goes.

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